Drama
I thought he was bailing. I thought he was saying whatever it took to get him off the hook. I had begun to think of him as a completely different guy than the one I’ve know.
Turns out what he really did wrong was believe a rumor. One that has absolutely no truth at all. And because he believes this rumor I’m out of his life completely. Well almost completely; given the circumstances we’ll never completely be without each other.
I’m afraid that if I don’t try to talk to him he’ll think since I haven’t told him it’s not true and I haven’t denied it then it must be true. But, then I’m afraid if I do try to talk to him then he’ll think that I’m awfully defensive. I wish I could talk to him once, tell him it’s not true, and then leave him alone so he can figure out what he believes. My mom keeps telling me the more I try to convince the more it will look like I’m lying. But, if I don’t even try once, what will he think?
*sigh*
I try to keep my mind off him and the fact that he totally bailed. Yesterday I succeeded, but last night my dreams were all about him. The dreams were mostly memories, and some were what I’d like to see happen.
I try to pretend I’m ok and that it doesn’t bother me. But, truthfully, I am devastated, and I am falling apart.
Ready for a cliche?? Here it is: my head and my heart will not stop arguing.
Part of me believes everything that he’s been telling me since he talked to his parents is all lies; and that same part believes that he really thinks what his dad told me is what Taylor thinks, also.
The other part of me, believes everything he’s ever told me, with a few exceptions; and that part doesn’t believe that what his father thinks is what he thinks. I want so bad to believe that his parents are just trying to keep us apart and that he’s been fighting it like he says he has.
I want to believe him because he’s only lied to me once or twice before. And, I trust him completely.
I don’t want to believe him, though, and be the naive stupid girl that is being completely fooled by this boy just because I love him.
I wish I could just talk to him and found out what he really thinks and what the truth is, instead of just being bitched at by his dad…
And When it Does Crash Down…
Depending on your situation sometimes you weep and grieve for your lost relationship. You sit in the rubble of your destroyed world and wonder what you did wrong.
Yet, in some situations, after the dust clears you find yourself still standing strong. You look at the remains of what you’d known and pick yourself up, and keep going.
Although I was devastated, now I’m ok. I have other priorities at the moment that are more pressing. I have to pick up and move on. I’m not quite ready to give up on him, yet, but that’s understandable…right…
