Brandon’s Belated 18th Birthday Party…
It was supposed to be a surprise. And everyone kept the secret real well, until last night. The night before the party. He knew that something was going on today, he just didn’t know what. Until the football game last night. A friend and I were just standing there talking to him when another girl walks up and asks how old he’s gonna be. He just looked confused. His birthday was a month ago, he tells her.
Then, he turns to me and says “It’s a belated, surprise party?”
I just shook my head and said no. But he didn’t believe me. So, today we picked him up and he went with us to get the cake. 
The surprise was already ruined, but it was ok, because he still had a lot of fun. And he thanked me about 20 times today for throwing him the party.
See, he turned 18 on September 17th. But, I had to work that day, and we weren’t together then anyway. He told me that he had a really crappy birthday and I told him it’d be better next year. Then, two days ago, I came up with the idea to just throw him a surprise party. It was perfect. His birthday was a month ago, today. (see how clever I am, we had his re-birthday on Oct 17) He’d never expect a surprise party a month later!
So, I went and ordered a cake. Then I talked to one of his very best friends, and we started inviting people. He had no idea what this party was for! He thought it was going away party, silly boy. He’s not leaving till next August, why would we already be having his going away party?!
It was great. About 17 people came I think. His sister was down from the city this weekend so she got to be there. And, his cake was pink. 
If you knew him it would make sense. It was a princess cake. (i’ll post a pic later) It had a tiara on it and everything. He cleaned the tiara off and wore it for a little while! It was funny. But, then he gave it to me and I wore for the rest of the party.
He was so happy! I’m glad that we did this for him. It was big 1-8, we had to make it special. He keeps thanking me and the others for the party. I’m really glad we made him happy.
*I’ll post the b-day party pictures later, but now I have to go to work before I’m late! tootles!!!
…
We’re back together agian. Since the 7th.
He made up his mind. Sorry, Darcs Falcon. I love him. We’re not talking about all the adult issues that you mentioned. We’re just hanging out and having fun, not over-analyzing everything. I’ve praid about it alot and I think we’re ready to be together. Maybe we’re not ready for all the adult issues that come with relationships, but we’re not really worried about those issues right now. Like I said, we’re just hanging out and having fun. There’s no pressure this time; the pressure that we put on it before with promises of forever is all gone. We’re just living day by day now. Just like we all should.
Update on the Best friend/ Boyfriend
Darcs Falcon tells me not to rush growing up. I wish I knew how to take that advice. Are we rushing growing up, when we rush getting back together?
I knew that he wasn’t ready to get back together, but I said yes anyway. Should I have been the one to say no? He was lying to himself, and I think part of me knew he was. I was just glad to have him back. Is having only part of someone really better than having none of them? He’d still be my best friend even if we weren’t dating. Maybe we should go back to that until he’s ready to be with me, and until he’s no torn between being with me and being with her.
Brandon and I don’t lie to eachother. We just don’t. I’d have to say that that is the best and the worst part of our relationship. No lies is good, but brutally honest isn’t always that great. I’d rather him tell me the truth, than lie to me, obviously. But, what about when he’s lying to himself? He can tell when I’m lying and I can tell when he’s lying. But, when he’s lying to himself, too, how I am supposed to be able to see that?
He’s not over her, yet. I can understand him needed time to get over her, and I can give him the space he needs, and I can wait for him. I think I proved that before. But, he does not want to break up again. He says he wants to work through, and get over her, and stay with me. He says he wants me to help him work through, but I’m not sure how to do that.
Yes, we rushed getting back together. And, maybe we should have decided to wait when we were talking about what to do about the fact that we rushed into it this time. But, honestly I couldn’t leaveh him if I tried. Could I let him leave, though? I think so, because above all I just want him to be happy. And, if him being with someone else makes him happy, then that’s what I want. I’d rather him be happy without me, than unhappy with me.
He’s admitted that he is afraid I’ll hurt him agian. I told him I feel like I need to prove to him that I’m in it for real and for good this time, and that I’m not going anyway, I’m not going to bolt again, but I don’t know how to prove that to him. And, he doesn’t know how I’m supposed to do that either. But, we both know I do I have make him believe it.
I’m a little afraid of getting hurt, too, but honestly I’m more afraid of hurting him agian. That’s what scares me most, because knowing that he’s hurting is bad enough without his pain being my fault.
He says part of him wants to be with me and part of him still wants to be with her. I wish I could help him decide who he wanted to be wiht more, but I can’t.
I sort of wish that I could say it has to be all or nothing with him, but honestly I think I’m selfish enough to stay in it if it’s only half way.
So, I started writing this post when we were still together. But, we’ve broke up since then. We rushed getting back together, and we decided to just hang out and have fun. There are no labels. We still go on dates and stuff, and we’re pretty much still together, just without the title of boyfriend/girlfriend. We’re just friends for now.
We’re going to get back together in about a month. We need some space from eachother and some time, and then we’ll be ready to be ‘officially’ back together. But, for now we’re just having fun and taking it day by day…
