All Snow Days Used
We had only 3 snow days built in this year. It seems that we always need one more than we have. So, we had to come back to school today, even though only one other town that’s within 45 minutes of us went back.
Little P. is out of school today, and T. wanted me to come over. Now, I have to wait until 7:00 to go over there. But, oh well, I’m just glad that not only does he not hate me anymore, but he asked me to come over. 
I’ll be going to see D. first, though. It’s sad that T. and K. can’t know that D. and I are still friends. 
But, its ok.
B. has a date Sunday. We broke up Saturday a little after I got to work, and by the time I was ready to clock out only 6 hours later, he’d already asked someone out. Now, who’s the hypocrite? He got mad at me for dating a day after we broke up, yet when the next break up came he waited 6 hours to my 24? Jerk.
We’re over that now .
My Fault or No?
I was called into the office at school today, about something that happened in…we’ll call the town Little P, and we’ll say I live in Big P, the next town over… Anyway, I got called into the office about something that happened at Little P Highschool this morning. I don’t even go to that school…
My friend, D, got hit today. By my…this guy I know, K. I’m not really friends with K, but I wouldn’t say we’re enemies either; sometimes he goes to T’s when I’m there.
Anyway, last night when I was at work, I just happened to mention to K that D wouldn’t leave me alone about the pictures. Yes, the pictures. I don’t know how he even found out about them. This pissed T. off. And, the fact that all D was doing was talking crap about T and K to me really pissed K off.
I told D over and over to leave me alone last night, but he just kept texting me. So K. said to text D. and tell him to fuck off, and say it was K. I did, but it didn’t help. D still wouldn’t back off.
Then, this morning in band I get a text from D. that says “See, I told you they would start crap.” I told him that he was the only one still talking about it and that T. wasn’t even mad at me anymore.
That’s when D. told me that K. had just walked into class and hit him.
It wasn’t long before I was called into the office. Mr.S. told me to give him my phone and I did.
He told me that the S.I. from Little P had called him about a fight that had happened. I gulped… He had me explain everything. It was awkward telling him that T and I had sent eachother pictures…
He told me that not only had K. hit D. but that he had also threatened him. And, that now he’s not just looking at a 3-day suspension, but the threats could get him into way worse trouble.
I don’t know if T. ever did anything. When, K. hit D. he apparently told him that T. would get him later too.
T. and K. have been looking for some excuse to ‘get’ D. for a long time. They’ve hated eachother since before I knew any of them. And, as Mr. S. pointed out, last night I handed them the excuse they needed.
Stupid girl.
Admitting I Don’t Care Anymore
Why is it that no matter what I do, Brandon forgives me? I don’t deserve his forgive over and over. He’ll be mad for awhile (mostly with good reason) but he always gets over it with a little timeHow can it be that someone’s (besides God’s) love could be so unconditional? Lord knows, that when I’m doing the stupid stuff,I know it’s wrong and I know I shouldn’t be doing. But, when I’m doing it, I don’t care. What’s scary, is that I’ve hit a point where even when I wake up the next day, when I think back I still don’t care. I used to kick myself in the mornings when I’d wake up and remember the stupidity of the day before.
It was barely even 24 hours ago that we were arguing about the almost-topless pictures. (apparently I’m a tease, and they tell me this like I’m supposed to care; yeah right) And, he asked me to be his girlfriend again. As long as I promise not to do the stupid shit again he’s good.
And, now we’re back together. Again.
I think he loves the person he wants me to be, the person I used to be, more than the person I am. Sometimes, I want to be that person, too, but even if he can’t accept it, that girl is gone. Most of the time, I’m fine with the person I’ve become, or maybe it’s just that I don’t care enough to be better anymore.
The don’t-give-a-damn, self-destructive girl that I’ve slowly turned into is easier, and sometimes more fun, to be than the good girl I used to be, and could be again if I would just try. Sadly, though, I really don’t feel like putting in the effort to be that person.
I should feel ashamed for sending those pictures, but really I don’t even care. And, that should should scare me.
The only reason I’ve stopped doing some of the bad stuff, is the fear of leaving my home town. That scares the shit out of me. I guess, if you’d ask Brandon, though, he’d say I just stopped letting my mom catch me.
But, I’m done now. I may not feel like trying to be the good girl, but I don’t have to be the bad girl either. I just have to surround myself with the good friends again, and push away the bad. It’s easier with the right people.
