Category Archive
The following is a list of all entries from the Mom category.
Admitting I Don’t Care Anymore
Why is it that no matter what I do, Brandon forgives me? I don’t deserve his forgive over and over. He’ll be mad for awhile (mostly with good reason) but he always gets over it with a little timeHow can it be that someone’s (besides God’s) love could be so unconditional? Lord knows, that when I’m doing the stupid stuff,I know it’s wrong and I know I shouldn’t be doing. But, when I’m doing it, I don’t care. What’s scary, is that I’ve hit a point where even when I wake up the next day, when I think back I still don’t care. I used to kick myself in the mornings when I’d wake up and remember the stupidity of the day before.
It was barely even 24 hours ago that we were arguing about the almost-topless pictures. (apparently I’m a tease, and they tell me this like I’m supposed to care; yeah right) And, he asked me to be his girlfriend again. As long as I promise not to do the stupid shit again he’s good.
And, now we’re back together. Again.
I think he loves the person he wants me to be, the person I used to be, more than the person I am. Sometimes, I want to be that person, too, but even if he can’t accept it, that girl is gone. Most of the time, I’m fine with the person I’ve become, or maybe it’s just that I don’t care enough to be better anymore.
The don’t-give-a-damn, self-destructive girl that I’ve slowly turned into is easier, and sometimes more fun, to be than the good girl I used to be, and could be again if I would just try. Sadly, though, I really don’t feel like putting in the effort to be that person.
I should feel ashamed for sending those pictures, but really I don’t even care. And, that should should scare me.
The only reason I’ve stopped doing some of the bad stuff, is the fear of leaving my home town. That scares the shit out of me. I guess, if you’d ask Brandon, though, he’d say I just stopped letting my mom catch me.
But, I’m done now. I may not feel like trying to be the good girl, but I don’t have to be the bad girl either. I just have to surround myself with the good friends again, and push away the bad. It’s easier with the right people.
The Parental Unit [the mom-bot]
My mom and I look a lot alike. We sound and talk the same. That’s as far as the simularities go, though.
She loves pink and flowers and butterflies. I like black, skulls, and studs. She listens to classic country, R&B, and the Bangles. I like punk rock, hard roack, and Papa Roach is my favorite band.
She thinks that we think alike, but to be honest, what goes on inside my head scares the shit out of her. She’s a goody-two-shoes, and I’m a rebel. She likes to keep me under her thumb, but I need room to breath. When, she pulls the reins tighter, I just want to rebel more. She smothers me.
She always wants me to talk to her, but when I do, she always makes me feel stupid. What’s even worse is that she does it without meaning to. It sucks.
I’m not saying that I don’t love my mom. Because, I do. She’s amazing. She just doesn’t get me. [sorry for the cliche]
My mother is actually an amazing woman. She’s a single parent, and she works two jobs to support us. She puts up with [most of] my crap. She’s been through so much in her life, and it’s only made her stronger. She’s a strong, and amazingly brave woman.
She’s just so damn infuriating sometimes! Of course, she probably says the same about me. All the time.
