Category Archive
The following is a list of all entries from the Questions category.
Admitting I Don’t Care Anymore
Why is it that no matter what I do, Brandon forgives me? I don’t deserve his forgive over and over. He’ll be mad for awhile (mostly with good reason) but he always gets over it with a little timeHow can it be that someone’s (besides God’s) love could be so unconditional? Lord knows, that when I’m doing the stupid stuff,I know it’s wrong and I know I shouldn’t be doing. But, when I’m doing it, I don’t care. What’s scary, is that I’ve hit a point where even when I wake up the next day, when I think back I still don’t care. I used to kick myself in the mornings when I’d wake up and remember the stupidity of the day before.
It was barely even 24 hours ago that we were arguing about the almost-topless pictures. (apparently I’m a tease, and they tell me this like I’m supposed to care; yeah right) And, he asked me to be his girlfriend again. As long as I promise not to do the stupid shit again he’s good.
And, now we’re back together. Again.
I think he loves the person he wants me to be, the person I used to be, more than the person I am. Sometimes, I want to be that person, too, but even if he can’t accept it, that girl is gone. Most of the time, I’m fine with the person I’ve become, or maybe it’s just that I don’t care enough to be better anymore.
The don’t-give-a-damn, self-destructive girl that I’ve slowly turned into is easier, and sometimes more fun, to be than the good girl I used to be, and could be again if I would just try. Sadly, though, I really don’t feel like putting in the effort to be that person.
I should feel ashamed for sending those pictures, but really I don’t even care. And, that should should scare me.
The only reason I’ve stopped doing some of the bad stuff, is the fear of leaving my home town. That scares the shit out of me. I guess, if you’d ask Brandon, though, he’d say I just stopped letting my mom catch me.
But, I’m done now. I may not feel like trying to be the good girl, but I don’t have to be the bad girl either. I just have to surround myself with the good friends again, and push away the bad. It’s easier with the right people.
Learning & Making Mistakes
Life has a funny way of teaching us.
There’s learning from other’s mistakes.
There’s learning from your own mistakes.
But isn’t the whole point in learning, to keep you from making mistakes?
So, why make mistakes to learn to keep from making mistakes?
Isn’t there a better way?
Sure, learning from others’ mistakes is good for you,
but what about the one who made the mistake?
How does your learning from their mistake help them?
It doesn’t help them. You don’t help them.
So, what? Do you just help yourself?
And just let others worry about themselves?
There are ways we can help each other
with out making mistakes or watching someone
else make a mistake. Aren’t there?
The Gray Areas
Do you ever choose the wrong way, when you’re 100% sure it’s wrong? Do you ever not care that you chose the wrong way when you knew -without a doubt- that it was wrong? I know I have. Even when we know the difference between right and wrong -with out a doubt which is which- why do we sometimes -or almost always- choose the wrong way? Or the wrong thing to do? Is it because it’s fun? Or is it because of peer pressure? Or is it just because we know it’s wrong? Why does doing the wrong thing -or making the wrong choice- seem so exciting? Why doesn’t matter that we could get hurt? -or hurt someone else- When did we stop caring? Or is the right question, When do we start caring?
Think about it…..next time you’re at a fork in the rode….which will you choose?
What about when right and wrong aren’t so far apart? What about when the line between them blurs? What about when the black and white of right and wrong have that gray area in between? What then? Do you feel less guilty? Do you feel more guilty? Or do you not care at all? Ever?
